Over the years, I've engaged in a number of values exercises, each time hoping to gain deeper insight into what truly motivates and guides me. However, these attempts often left me feeling uncertain and questioning their effectiveness. Was I really identifying my core values, or merely echoing expectations from myself and others? This uncertainty lingered until I discovered a more profound approach to understanding my values.
The Conventional Approach: Its Limitations
Typically, a values exercise involves selecting a handful of values from a provided list. For me, it usually boiled down to family/relationships, honesty & integrity, career, and similar themes. But the question remained: How could this help me? Was I genuinely prioritising these values, or were they just convenient answers? The process felt too superficial, lacking a true connection to my deeper self. It felt like I was just scratching the surface, not really delving into what drives my decisions and actions.
A shallow approach to identifying values can lead to several pitfalls:
1. Misalignment with True Self: Without deep introspection, we risk identifying values that don't truly resonate with us, leading to decisions that aren't in harmony with our authentic selves.
2. Ineffective Decision-Making: Superficial values provide weak foundations for decision-making, potentially leading us astray from paths that would be more fulfilling or aligned with our genuine aspirations.
3. Overlooking Underlying Values: Taking certain values for granted, like family, might prevent us from recognising more nuanced aspects of what truly matters to us.
A Deeper Dive: Understanding the Journey to Our Values
What was missing from previous exercises was a thorough exploration of how my past choices reflect my values. We arrive at our current selves due to the choices we've made, often driven by underlying values. To genuinely understand these values, it's essential to reflect on our life's journey, considering key moments where our choices defined us. This isn't about isolated decisions; it's about identifying patterns across numerous choices that reveal our true values.
The Benefits of a Thorough Values Exercise By re-evaluating my values with this deeper, more introspective approach, I've gained clarity on several fronts:
1. Alignment with True Values: This method helps uncover the values that genuinely light us up, leading to more fulfilling life choices.
2. Improved Decision-Making: With a clear understanding of our values, we can make decisions that are more consistently aligned with what truly matters to us.
3. Peace of Mind: Knowing our values provides a sense of peace and confidence, as our choices feel more authentic and purposeful.
This journey of re-evaluating my values, inspired by Russ Laraway's "When They Win, You Win," has been transformative. Now, I can confidently identify what truly matters to me, effortlessly say no to what doesn't align with my values, and make decisions that steer me in the right direction. Understanding our values isn't just about listing traits; it's about connecting with our core selves to lead a more intentional and satisfying life.
And who doesn't want that?
